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Why is My Girlfriend So Mean to Me

Why is My Girlfriend So Mean to Me? Some of Reasons You May Not Know


Romantic relationships can be complicated. Even when partners are compatible with each other, there are so many possible reasons why they have issues. It can be hard to pinpoint the exact reason that makes your relationship so stressful. 

For men, approaching these issues might be even harder. So many boys and men are simply never taught to communicate their feelings and the feelings of their partners.

So, if your girlfriend starts acting mean to you for no apparent reason, you probably feel confused about possible reasons. 

Sometimes, your girlfriend is mean to you because she is unhappy. Maybe she is struggling with mental health issues or hormonal changes. Or, she might just be a mean person, and you just started noticing that. 

Since we don’t know your relationship, we can’t give you the exact answer.

However, there are some possible reasons for your girlfriend’s meanness, and we will discuss them in this article. You can go through these reasons and then decide which one makes the most sense for you.  

Signs That Your Girlfriend Is Mean To You

First of all, you need to be able to recognize when your girlfriend is being mean to you and when that is not the case. For example, if your girlfriend is in a bad mood or has no energy to do something, that doesn’t qualify as being mean, especially if it happens once or rarely.

However, if your girlfriend is starting fights for no reason, disrespecting you and your boundaries, and trying to hurt you with her words and actions, that qualifies as mean behavior. 

Of course, even the happiest couples will fight occasionally and go through rough periods. Still, if your girlfriend is acting abusive toward you and tries to belittle and bring you down, that’s not just a rough period. It’s a mean girlfriend. 

Reasons Behind Your Girlfriend’s Mean Behavior

1. She’s Chronically Unhappy

One of the most common reasons why your girlfriend is mean to you is that she is unhappy in your relationship. Maybe she doesn’t know how to communicate her dissatisfaction, or she fears your reaction. Over time, the things that bother her accumulate, and she starts to act mean. 

Knowing that your girlfriend might be unhappy with you is certainly not good news. However, this is the opportunity for you to improve the things that make her so unhappy.

Of course, if these things can’t be fixed, maybe the best solution is to break up. Staying in a relationship where one person is unhappy and mean toward the other person isn’t smart. 

2. Mental Health Issues

Some people come off as mean, but they are actually suffering from mental health issues. Depression and anxiety can make the person become more irritable and less patient. Such people are more likely to snap and be mean to their loved ones.

If your girlfriend is confirmed to have mental health issues, or you suspect it, you should try to talk with her about it. Let her know that you understand her struggles but that you don’t deserve to be her “punching bag.”

You can even offer to help her find a good therapist or other types of help. However, it is perfectly fine if you don’t feel like going through all that effort. You aren’t selfish if you don’t have the bandwidth to deal with someone’s mental health issues. 

3. Abrasive Personality

There are people who are simply “jerks.” They don’t actively try to be mean, but such behavior comes to them naturally. Maybe your girlfriend is simply one of those people who act rude and unkind because that’s their personality. You should consider whether staying with such a girlfriend is worth the effort. 

4. She Lacks Social Cues

On the other side, some people lack social cues, and your girlfriend might be one of them. If that’s the case, she isn’t mean on purpose, but she doesn’t quite grasp what’s acceptable when interacting with you.

You can try to explain to her what kind of behavior is acceptable and how her behavior can fall into the unacceptable category. If she is open to criticism of such kind, she might try to change her ways. 

5. You Made Her Upset

Did you forget her birthday or your anniversary? Or maybe you did something else to make her upset? If that’s the case, you should apologize and ensure that you don’t make the same mistake again.

However, she also needs to stop being mean to you when you upset her. No matter what your mistake was, you still deserve open and respectful communication from her side. Both of you need to work on yourselves to have a healthier relationship.

6. She is Toxic and/or Narcissistic

Some people are simply toxic partners, and they can’t help but be mean to their partners. Many such toxic people are narcissistic, and being mean is their attempt at controlling and manipulating their partners.

If that’s your case, you should run. Narcissists and toxic people aren’t worth your time or patience.

7. PMS

Women can get explosive solely because of hormonal fluctuations. Everyone knows that most women and girls get cranky when they are PMS-ing (Premenstrual Syndrome). If this is the case with your girlfriend, try to make this time of the month easier for her.

Buy her candy, make her tea, and get her a heating pad. Above all, hug her, talk to her, and show that you love her. If her PMS is particularly bad, and it’s like that every month, maybe she should visit a doctor who can help with severe hormonal fluctuations and mood changes.

8. She is Hungry

Hunger can bring out the worst in people. If your girlfriend snapped at you for no apparent reason, was she hungry? Was she on a diet that made her cranky? Or was it a one-time behavior?

If your girlfriend is cranky and mean when she is hungry, you can overcome it by having a protein bar or some other snack around. Just give it to her when you notice her getting cranky. 

9. Your Love Languages Aren’t Compatible

Different people have different love languages. There are five main love languages: physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts. How do you prefer to express your life to your girlfriend? That’s your love language. 

However, maybe your girlfriend’s love language is different than yours. For example, your love language includes acts of service, but hers includes words of affirmation. So, to show her love, you do small favors for her. At the same time, she expects you to say nice things to her. 

As a result, you feel like no matter how much you try, she doesn’t appreciate your efforts. Simultaneously, she thinks you don’t love her because you don’t tell her that enough.

With time, she becomes annoyed and starts being mean to you. To avoid this, try to discuss both your and her preferred love language. 

10. Insecurity and Need for Attention

There are girls who feel insecure, and they want attention but don’t know how to express it.

If your girl is like that, she can become mean in order to get your attention and to confirm that you indeed like her. Try to discuss that with her so that she stops her insecurity from hurting both of you. 

11. She’s Not Into You

Short and simple, maybe your girlfriend is no longer into you, but she doesn’t want to break up for some reason. You should do it instead of her and spare both of you from further frustration and contempt. 

12. Anger Issues

Does your girlfriend suffer from anger issues? Is she quick to start yelling, cussing, and even becoming physically violent? This might be causing her to be mean to you. You can stay and try to “fix her,” but keep in mind that the odds aren’t at your side. 

13.  Past Trauma

Every relationship in our life, starting with our relationship with our parents, shapes us and teaches us how our other relationships should be. If your girlfriend has had a bad relationship with her parents, friends, or previous partners, she may be suffering from trauma.

This trauma, as well as negative relationship patterns, will also impact your relationship. If these relationships have taught your girlfriend that being mean and hurtful is normal, she will act the same with you.

You can stay and try to show that there are better ways to act in a relationship, but there is no guarantee that you will succeed in breaking the mold. 

14. Stress

Nowadays, most people are living stressful lives. As a matter of fact, stress is becoming a leading cause of various health issues. It is also negatively impacting our relationships. Some people become mean to their partners when they are under too much stress. 

If your girlfriend is only mean to you when she’s stressed, there are ways you can help her. You can occasionally take her somewhere she can relax, or you can help her with some of her errands. Of course, you can always simply listen to her and let her rant about all the things that stress her out.

As you help her reduce stress levels, you can explain that she shouldn’t take it out on you and act mean. Hopefully, she will see the error of her ways.

How To Deal With Your Girlfriend’s Mean Behavior

We don’t know your girlfriend, but you do. Only you can figure out why she is being mean to you and how you can solve that issue. In some situations, you can try and help her. However, there are also some situations in which the best decision is to leave her.

In either case, try to talk openly about things that are bothering you. Show that you understand her side, but stand your ground.

Let her know that being mean to you isn’t solving any issues that she’s going through. And, just because she’s mean to you doesn’t mean that you should be mean to her. 

In the end, it is up to you to decide how much you can take. Can you tolerate some things, and is it worth it to you? If you decide that you had it too much, that’s perfectly fine, too. Sometimes, there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first. 


If you have noticed your girlfriend is being mean to you, there are several potential reasons for that as mentioned above. Try to understand the exact reason for your girlfriend’s behavior. 

Keep in mind that identifying that reason is just half of the work. You still need to communicate your issues openly and express how you feel. Try to help her, but don’t be afraid to leave if needed. 

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